She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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