Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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