and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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