I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize