he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
someone owes me an orgasm
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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