I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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