Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize