it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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