Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
