I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
