He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
