I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize