cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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