and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
