Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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