Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
