dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
