I think my vagina is haunted
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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