areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
