just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
