So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
