My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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