Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
