just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
