I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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