I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize