Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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