So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
