Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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