evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My life is pants optional.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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