I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
