he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
