You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
