I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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