I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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