The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
