The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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