She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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