Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
