He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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