My balls are so social today.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
being pregnant is like rehab
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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