That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize