32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
