Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize