I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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