he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
