Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
