too bad you live with your parents still
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
