I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize