the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
