Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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