Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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