no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
