Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
