Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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