if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
