I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
