i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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