the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
