I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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