just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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