we have officially lost it.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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