Where is the hickey?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize