Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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