I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
