You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
