i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
