After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
