I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
