college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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