i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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