so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
