Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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