i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
