dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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