walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
