They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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