dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
