so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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