You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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