I heard we made out
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize