And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
