He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
