dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
